Sir Hopsalot and the Pets of DOOM!

Meet Sir Hopsalot.

















He was a brave and noble knight residing in the Canton of Brokenbridge. He was so well loved the Canton placed him on their device.









This is the story of Sir Hopsalot and the pets of DOOM!






One day as Sir Hopsalot was hopping along admiring himself and enjoying the adulation of the denizens of the Canton.

(Please note the frog featured prominently in the foreground.)


He encountered the great MOLLY monster! Now Molly was great with wroth and envy at Sir Hopsalot, because he had all those denizens... and well they are really HER chew toys, and she really didn't like the idea of him absconding with them. And Sir Hopsalot is a rabbit. And Molly is a beagle. And as the saying goes, breeding will tell...

Molly was also greatly annoyed, aggravated, and generally pissy, b/c the stupid human kept on dressing her up and putting booties on her feet.

And so this was the mood the Molly Monster was in when poor, brave, and noble, Sir Hopsalot encountered her.

(Mommy, this is humiliating. I'm going to GET you for this.)


But! It's also a tail... oops I mean tale... of betrayal and sibling rivalry. You see, the EVIL Tigger Grendel was jealous of the Molly Monster and the attention she took away from HIM!!! Because Tigger was no longer the center of the human's world. Tigger did not want to share his toys and his human with the upstart canine. So he brooded and plotted and thought dastardly thoughts.

Tigger Grendel had heard of the great, brave, and noble Sir Hopsalot. He decided he would seek out this paragon of knightly virtue and chivalry and tell him about the DREADED Molly Monster who liked to CHEW and MAUL the great knight's adoring throng, not to mention Tigger's own catnip toys.

So one day Sir Hopsalot bumped into Tigger Grendel along one of his perambulations.
"EEK!" Squeaked Sir Hopsalot. "Ehem! I mean how do you do this fine day, milord?" As he attempted to edge away from Tigger's carnivorous fangs.

"Oh! Sir Knight! You must help! There is a monster that lives in a cave filled with treasure! She's been dragging your friends off to her treasure cave in a dark mere and CHEWING on them! Sir Knight! you must save them!"




"What!" cried the knight, brandishing sword and nearly slicing off Tigger Grendel's beautiful whiskers. Tigger leaped back just in the nick of time saving his whiskers of which he was VERY PROUD. "Tell me where this evil villianess is!! I will save my friends and rescue the beautiful Nicole from her foul paws!"





So Tigger told the brave and noble knight where the Molly Monster's cave was. And they plotted her demise.







Sir Hopsalot hopped along to the Molly Monster's treasure cave and confronted her.

Devastated by the carnage he saw scattered about, he challenged her to a duel!

Well, unfortunately, it did not go as the knight planned. He is a rabbit and she is a beagle.





She decapitated him and calmly went back to chewing on his friends.

The End

Author's note: No live animals were harmed in the writing of this story. Origami stunt animals were however dismembered by the armload.

Postscript from the actors:
Molly: that's what she thinks! That was so HUMILIATING. How am I supposed to face my friends in the dog run???
Tigger: That's so wrong!! If I were really plotting against the mutt, do you THINK I would be so INEPT!!! PLUH--EEZE I'm a cat! I don't do inept. HUMPH!!!